Vince McMahon's Plastic Action Figures

Watching Raw this week and seeing the great Brock Lesnar video package, it was even more apparent, as it is with his every appearance, why Brock Lesnar works so well in his role. He's completely real. You can believe that this is the authentic Brock, just with a camera on him. He's a dick. He doesn't give a fuck about you, me, or anyone else. He's superb in his role, more convincing than just about everybody else in WWE by a country mile.

WWE's biggest problem is not being "PG", it's not a lack of talent or potential stars. It's not even the overexposure of TV content or the need to shill the Network. It's the fact that very few guys on WWE TV are actually cool. Why? Because WWE's tendency to force it's stars to be one-dimensional caricatures has never been worse.

Sheamus is a great example. A good worker, certainly, but if you've seen one match or heard one promo, you feel like you've seen everything he can do. WWE doesn't like to give anybody too much depth, but if a new fan asked you to tell him something about this Sheamus guy, what would you say? He's Irish? That's fuckin' captivating. That's not to say that's all Sheamus has to offer, he might be capable of more, but you'd never know. Sheamus never really took as a top guy despite a huge push in 2012, and he didn't show that he was really good enough or had the transcendent charisma to succeed regardless. Scripting is one thing, but the way the guys are scripted is sculpting them in plastic, forcing them into an unnatural mould.

Roman Reigns is about to get the megapush. But all they know how to do is the Sheamus push. The Diesel push. The push of so many guys who never really took at the top - strip away anything other than a look, a tagline, the most generic verbiage imaginable, and have them win all the time and hope for the best. Sometimes that works if they have something unique about themselves, a flavour that just clicks. But they've already started this direction with Reigns, between being smashed over the majority of the time (which is fine) and his "Assess and Attack" promos that couldn't be more bland if they were cut by Bob Backlund in 1993 (which are not). It's going to doom him when it comes time to take the throne, barring a drastic turnaround or change in philosophy, because the fans will inevitably ask themselves why they love him, and they're not going to have enough answers to justify spending their money. Again, at the WWE 2K15 Roster Announcement show on Summerslam weekend, Reigns showed he has far more personality and a good natural charisma, that you'd never know he has by watching Raw every week.

Bray Wyatt and the recently fired Alberto Del Rio both had the same issue when coming into WWE - a brilliant introduction with a hot character that seemed like it has a ton of potential to do great, interesting things. But the character never actually gets out of first gear. They never evolve, those characters don't actually do anything interesting or unique (or "Creative") after stage one. They just show up and do what everybody else does and before long, they become another flower in the garden, and never change. Eventually flowers like that start to smell pretty putrid.

Look at Dean Ambrose, and ask yourself why he's been getting crowd reactions far beyond the level of his push. The answer is because he's himself, and unlike almost everybody else in the entire company, he's fucking cool. Everything he says fits him, he feels different, and this angle with Seth Rollins allows him to act how his character should. He's doing the kind of whacky antics you'd hope an erratic guy like him could do - hiding in the boot of a car to get at people, throwing an ice bucket in Seth Rollins' face and brawling with him out of nowhere. There is actually something to sink your teeth into, and you want to see what he'll do next because this character, unlike Bray Wyatt, ACTUALLY DOES INTERESTING THINGS. And even if he is scripted, he's good enough to not let it typecast him in a one-dimensional manner.

The underlying theme here is that the WWE desperately needs to let the guys be themselves, rather than washing away the idiosyncrasies that makes any great character in the history of any medium special. Let them be more hands-on, to get involved in ideas for their character, to speak with their own voice, pitch their own angles and try their own things.

The nature of WWE Creative is to take that out of the talent's hands to give the company more control. If a talent tries something and fails, then he may fall short and fuck up future company plans if he sinks instead of swims on his own volition. You can also take a guy who may not be able to cut promos or come up with dialogue and put the words in his mouth. Those type of guys do need scripting.

But by taking that ability away, not only are you preventing failure, you're hindering potential success. In 1997, with WCW kicking the shit out the WWF, Vince held a meeting and told the guys that he was going to, within reason, hand the reigns of people's characters over to themselves, because they knew what they needed to be. But today, with nobody succeeding at his expense, even if the product is colder than a polar bear's dick, they'll stay this course. Wrestling is at its best, and its most popular, when the stars on the show are cool. When you as a fan want to feed of that magnetism.

There is not that much cool or interesting about modern WWE to the male audience, and how could there be? How can a person be told how to act by a team of over a dozen people and come off as anything other than one of Vince McMahon's personal action figures instead of an individual who knows exactly who and what he is, to the point you've got to tune in and see him?

Maybe I'm being too hard on WWE. Maybe these guys like Sheamus, Del Rio, Dolph Ziggler, The Miz, Kofi Kingston, Jack Swagger and Big E don't have enough about them, deep-down, to be top guys. Not everybody does. Not everybody has that special personality. I don't believe Seth Rollins has the personality to be a top guy, and even during the height of his popularity earlier this year, I was among the few to say that Cesaro never showed the ability to connect at a main event level.

But you'd got some guys on the horizon that can make a difference. Dean Ambrose is on his way. Roman Reigns has real potential, but they're forcing him into the same path as those before him. Bray Wyatt should still be a big deal, but they don't have any idea what to do with him. Luke Harper is interesting and could be a psycho killer if they had the balls.

But the fans will always compare the current generation unfavourably to stars from the past, if these guys don't have to chance to be themselves. The guys from the past did. And in many cases, that's exactly why they were stars to begin with.

SCG Radio Update!

We've been a little slow on the ball updating this site with the podcasts, but here goes!

SCG Radio #8 - The Overrated In Pro Wrestling
http://squaredcirclegazette.podbean.com/mf/play/e4m7is/SCGRadio8-TheOverratedInProWrestling.mp3

SCG Radio #9 - The Highs And Lows of TNA
http://squaredcirclegazette.podbean.com/mf/play/mz6g9q/SCGRadio9-TheHighsAndLowsOfTNA.mp3

SCG Radio #10 - The Good, The Bad & The Ugly of 2000
http://squaredcirclegazette.podbean.com/mf/play/y93ptz/SCGRadio10-TheGoodBadandUglyof2000.mp3

SCG Radio #11 - The G-1 Climax and New Japan Pro Wrestling
http://squaredcirclegazette.podbean.com/mf/play/acnh5x/SCGRadio11-TheG-1ClimaxandNJPW.mp3

SCG Radio #12 - Analysing the nWo
http://squaredcirclegazette.podbean.com/mf/play/yza72e/SCGRadio12-AnalysingthenWo.mp3

The Lantern's Light Is Fading Away

It's no secret, nor is it a revelation, to say that Bray Wyatt has lost a good bit of steam of late. The current feud with Chris Jericho failed to deliver any kind of deep-rooted rivalry that long time fans of Y2J may have been hoping for, and as a result, Wyatt has gone from having "The Whole World In His Hands", to standing in the midcard with his cock on his hand.

The audience's reaction to his Raw promo was telling, and it isn't the first time a live crowd has been apathetic to Wyatt's verbal jiu-jitsu. As well delivered as it is, his promos are void of substance, much ado about nothing, and the fans are clocking on to it.  

Just a few months back, however, Bray felt like the hottest rising star the WWE had, and it was watching SummerSlam that inspired this column, when one of the people I was watching with, a longtime Cena detractor, tried to pin the blame on ol' JC for Wyatt's recent fate, calling him "the career killer", a comment I had to take exception to.

Let's get a few things established about Bray now - firstly, John Cena was THE reason he began to get the reaction he did. Before that, Wyatt wasn't this surefire, ready-to-explode-into-the-atmosphere character it later appeared he could be. Even though the feud itself was slapdash at best in terms of the content, direction and driving theme, the one thing it accomplished was allowing Bray to call attention to the anti-Cena backlash in such a way to tie it into his own momentum, and create the illusion he was on the cusp. The feud ended with Bray's best match thus far, a Last Man Standing match, that Cena won due to Daniel Bryan being injured and the need for him to step back up as the top babyface.

The second Cena was stripped away from Wyatt, Bray immediately began to flounder, and his reactions became less and less impressive. Love it or hate it, it's clear what the fans were responding to in hindsight - while Bray was the beneficiary, Cena was the facilitator.

Now, saying this sounds critical of Wyatt, and it's not. It's simply the nature of the character. These type of characters, the rooted in pure evil, "rare-breed" persona, is reliant on being constantly fed to stay relevant. They are what they are because they are special. They're involved, and involving. They can't be ignored, they are always to be dealt with, a unique presence that we happen to be witnessing at this particular place in time that is always a step ahead of the audience and his opponent. A Raven in ECW. A heel Jake in the WWF. This character exists and thrives because of the situations he finds himself in, that he creates. You have to cater to them, and it's fundamental wrestling booking.

You have this distinctly evil character, he builds up mega heat, and then it gets blown off in the end. Fundamental booking says that this character needs to come back more evil than ever. In other words, he needs to get his heat back. Once the fearsome monster gets what he has coming, what do you have to fear unless he reinforces why he's a terrifying presence? Bray Wyatt, like his predecessors, needs a constant stream of hot opponents or situations, or else he will fail to maintain the level of heat that results in success.

He can't be just another guy, and you can't book him like you do everybody else. He can't flounder in the middle. His entire appeal, and the reason the character works, is because he isn't "just another guy". He's not like every other wrestler, he's special. Once the audience subconsciously realises he's part of the furniture, just like everybody else in tights on the show, then the very basic element that got him over in the first place is lost. All he has to stand out then is his promos. Promos that can only do so much to separate him, when the fans know it's meaningless.

The problem with Bray Wyatt is that this character, as interesting as it could potentially be...doesn't actually do anything. What dynamic angle has this guy given us? "Creative" should be having a field day with this guy with all the manner of whacky human sacrifices, symbolic mind games and whatever else to give an aspect of danger to Bray Wyatt to make him a guy to tune in for every single week to see what he'll do next. And yet, the most memorable angle he's ever done on Raw is when Daniel Bryan beat the shit out of him in a cage.

That's as big a problem as anything. It's harder to get over and become a genuine star right now than it has ever been, because so many of the typical star-making devices mean less now than they did before. The fans need something concrete, but the character is all talk. He can talk about being the eater of worlds, but if you judge him by his actions, he's bluffing, he doesn't act evil. He commits no horrible sins for us to be angry about. He doesn't break any of the established conventions in his actions. He just talks about it.

Chris Jericho, on paper, is not a massive step down, and given the verbal abilities, it should have worked to reheat Bray after the Cena feud. But winning a match alone won't do it. Nor will going 50-50 in wins and losses with Jericho on Pay-Per-View. A half-assed program isn't the answer. Creative needs to do it's job, or Bray needs to come up with some diabolical acts he can perform, and push to do them.

That character needs to be fed to survive. But he's been positively starving since Last Man Standing.

Creative Has Nothing For You

Out of sheer curiosity, when was the last time the WWE introduced a new concept?

You know, something different from the status quo, that broke out of the regular annual rotations and interested the masses because they were about to see something unique that they couldn't judge against history. Wrestling fans are often creatures of nostalgia, and comparisons to the past rarely reflect well on the present. So why not give them something uncomparable?

Between 1994-2004, they introduced the Ladder Match, the Hell In A Cell, the Last Man Standing Match, the TLC Match, the Elimination Chamber, Lion's Den Match, Buried Alive, Three Stages Of Hell, as well as bringing back older concepts like the I Quit Match and Empty Arena match to the WWE for the first time, to name just a few. Granted, you also had your Hog Pen matches, so not everything is going to be a slam dunk.

But between 2004-2014, what do we have? They introduced the godawful Punjabi Prison that lasted two matches, and the mess that was the Championship Scramble, which lasted three. Isn't it funny, they've got more people on the creative team than ever before, and there has been less innovation and progression in the product itself than any other point in history. The crown jewel of creativity for the last ten years, easily, is Money In The Bank.

But Money In The Bank has completely outlived it's usefulness. Somewhere between Jack Swagger and Damien Sandow winning the briefcase, or the fact that most of the midcard has held one of the two World titles and ended up back where they started after cashing in Money In The Bank, it's no longer got the potential star making ability it had for the first three years of its existence. It helped push Edge over the top. But that's really all it ever did.

This Sunday, Brock Lesnar should absolutely, without a doubt, beat John Cena for the WWE Title. There is no justifiable reason for Lesnar to lose this match. It was bad enough he lost to Cena at Extreme Rules. But this, this would be horrific. The guy that broke the Undertaker's Streak after twenty three years loses his next match? To the one guy who doesn't need it? Please, no. Of course this does beg the question of what to do with the WWE Championship. After all, Lesnar has limited dates, and only a handful of matches on his deal. Do you keep the WWE Championship off television?

I've battled with this idea, and it might turn out to be a nice, creative idea that doesn't work out logistically. The idea of a new concept taking centre stage while Paul Heyman shows up stroking the championship belt every week is pretty enticing, but a weekly product and house show circuit, as well as Pay-Per-Views to sell, all without a World Title, may well flounder.

But to go with this line of thinking, if they did put the belt on Brock, the upside is that every Lesnar match now becomes even more important than it ever has been. Triple H begins to regret his decision to give Lesnar the chance to win the title, because it shifts the power to Paul Heyman, and Brock only has to defend when he's contracted to fight. Lesnar's future title defenses can be announced well ahead of time, and television can be built around who gets the shot. Around who gets to be the guy to try and break Brock's grip on the title, bringing the belt back to the company because they're disgusted that Lesnar chooses the UFC model of "the superfight" over being there every week.

The Royal Rumble in January is a no brainer. Winner gets Brock at Mania.

But if you have Brock for the Rumble as well (as they did this year), then do something different. Remember the King Of The Ring? A former staple of the WWE's PPV calendar, this one night tournament culminated with one man standing tall, being put over for his major accomplishment. The company shied away from this idea, because historically, tournaments on Pay-Per-View aren't successful. Understandable.

So update it. Modify it. Tweak it.

You may have read on websites or heard via word of mouth over the last few weeks of the G-1 Climax, New Japan Pro Wrestling's annual tournament to determine the number one contender to the IWGP World Title. Without question the last two tournaments have been amongst the all-time best, due to the quality of the matches. But as a booking mechanism, it's perfect for the WWE, especially in a world without the WWE Champion on every show.

Two blocks of wrestlers (lets say ten per block, for argument's sake), in a round robin tournament where everybody faces everybody else in their block in one-on-one matches. 2 points per win, 1 for a draw, 0 for a loss. The two block winners face each other in the climactic final (ideally on Pay-Per-View), with the winner taking the entire tournament.

Why I think this could work is because, quite honestly, these three hour Raws are brutal. They're long, they drag, they're tedious, and while there is sometimes some good wrestling, there is VERY little consequence to any of it. Random pairings, there solely to fill time in between Network plugs and the Stephanie McMahon angles that are more important.

If you hold the tournament over ten episodes of Raw, and it becomes the focus of the promotion, every match has meaning. Every match has consequences. The chase to lead the group grows more and more tense week by week. Add the WWE element of promos from the guys talking about the importance of each match, with budding rivalries sprinkled throughout the tournament, and you've got a unique element to the product you've never had before.

The downside to the idea is the idea of repetition for ten shows, and the "pure sports" element that might turn off some who enjoy their whacky angles. And that's valid. But to me, the idea on paper of a "top babyface versus authority" angle in 2014 is brutal, and more repetitious than anything else. A guy with a Money In The Bank briefcase being foiled from cashing in has been done for years now. There is absolutely nothing fresh about Raw at all in its current form, so you really have nothing to lose, and with the production tools and storytelling capabilities WWE has at their disposal, it could make for a really fun experience.

The use of the "analysts" could become a regular part of Raw, as Renee Young breaks down the matches with the panel. And it isn't like the show has to be exclusive straight matches and no "WWE-ish" traits - you could weave an angle like the current Ambrose/Rollins feud throughout the tournament perfectly, and it would actually mean more because Ambrose would actually be costing Rollins something important when he loses.

With this idea, Raw has a meaning, it's fresh, you can elevate certain guys a little bit, and at the end, you have a fantastic challenger for Brock Lesnar and a big time title match. If the company puts all of its promotional might into making this tournament important, the finals themselves would be a big deal, let alone the winner Vs. WWE Champion Brock Lesnar, the guy that ended the streak.

Maybe it wouldn't work. But as John McClane once said, "At least I'm thinking, Goddammit!"

Hell, even if they don't do a G-1, do SOMETHING. I'm sure it's not an easy job at all, especially with the whims of Vince McMahon, the fact he drives the car no matter what, and the need to produce so much first-run content. But on the surface right now, calling them a creative team is rather magnanimous.

Armchair Quarterback - Rebooking WrestleMania XI

On the WrestleMania List Of Lists I wrote earlier in the year, I stated that this was the second worst WrestleMania in history, and I stand by that. I won't dwell on it, you can read that blog if you so wish. But rather than bury the show for the sake of it, let's have some fun. Was this show really the best they could do at the time?

The roster in 1995 is pretty awful, and depth is a major issue in this historically shitty year. But I'm going to give a shot, making the best of it. This is being booked on the assumption that I have inherited the situation as it was at the start of 1995, with the roster as it was in March.

Liam O'Rourke's WrestleMania XI

WWF Title
Diesel (c) Vs. Shawn Michaels w/Sid

This is the only match on the card I'd keep the same.

If Diesel is champion, the only ready made big match challenger he has is Shawn Michaels, which poses a problem because a) the dynamic of the feud was bad with Shawn as the undersized and overmatched heel challenger, and b) the match itself didn't work out as a result. I think this has to be more of a grudge match than it was, in the vain of Taker/Shawn at Ground Zero. I'd have Shawn and Sid beat the living hell out of Diesel with a steel chair in the run-up, and the idea that after all the superkicks, the spotlight hogging, and the assisted beatdowns, Diesel is finally going to get Shawn one-on-one. In the real world, they tried to position them as equals, which was a big mistake. Since they'd paid the cash to get Pamela Anderson, I guess use her here in the same way they did, but she has to be supplemental to the revenge story.

Same outcome, if you're going with Diesel as champ in the first place, he had to win here.

Winner: Diesel

Bret Hart Vs. Lex Luger

Lex turns heel at the Royal Rumble, costing Bret the WWF Title. The bitter, obnoxious Luger starts to show himself in his post-match explanation - last year at the Rumble, the Lex Express hit a Pink and Black brick wall, and the fans chose Bret over him when they tied at the finish. He dropped his Narcissistic way to represent his country, and they spat in his face when he needed them.

As much as it pissed him off, he swallowed the bitter pill to be the nice guy. Then as soon as Bret lost the belt, he immediately was given a chance to get it back against Diesel, while Lex was never given another chance after he got blatantly screwed at Mania X. Luger is an angry, bitter heel in the build to this match, desperate to prove he is better than the Hitman. And in the cheapest, most gutless fashion, he wins, which marks a turn in the character to super obnoxious, holier than thou self-entitled dickhead Luger a la 1989 Total Package, because he "proved" he was right after all. This can continue with Luger either going after Diesel, or continuing the Bret feud all the way through to Summerslam, where the Hitman gets the win.

Bret can "get his win back" over Backlund on one of the In Your House Pay-Per-Views if its actually needed.

Winner: Lex Luger

Lawrence Taylor/Razor Ramon Vs. Jerry Lawler/Jeff Jarrett w/Roadie

Jerry Lawler was perfect for the LT program. He wasn't the most credible guy after the Doink feud, so he really had nothing to lose. He was that perfect heel to antagonise the celebrity and incorporate some of the Kaufman elements again (hell, could even reference Lawler's past fending off outsiders), and his promo work could have made this a bigger deal than it was.

As evidenced by Bigelow, nobody that worked opposite Taylor was going to come out better for it, so I think LT works better in a tag format where his partner gets the shine of being next to him in all the pubicity and promos, a la Hogan and Mr. T. And Razor in 1995 would have benefitted from some celebrity shine to avoid the midcard typecasting a little bit.

I'd keep Razor as IC Champion at the Rumble, but continue the Jarrett/Roadie feud going. Lawler gets eliminated by Doink or the 1-2-3 Kid in the Royal Rumble, and gets the shove on LT for laughing at him. Lawler, Jarrett and Roadie as a heel trio has big potential as their paths cross leading up to the match, the Memphis-style stooging and verbal prodding is ideal for this scenario, and Lawler gets to complain forever about the loss and doesn't get killed off the way Bigelow did.

Winners: Razor and LT

Undertaker Vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Because lets face it, King Kong Bundy sucked balls. They'd need to do some serious work near the end of 94 and in the beginning of 95 to heat up Bigelow because he'd been treading water in the middle for a while, but this has a lot of potential. There was a standard formula for Taker feuds at the time - bad guy steals the urn, Taker beats him and gets it back.

I'd go a little more hardcore here and have Bigelow beat the shit out of Paul Bearer, giving him three headbutts off the top rope while Taker is restrained or incapacitated by the rest of the Million Dollar Corporation. A Bearer-less Taker goes it alone, until Paul returns just in time at the finish, urn in hand, encouraging Taker to victory.

Winner: Undertaker

Yokozuna Vs. Davey Boy Smith

Was contemplating going with Owen Vs. Davey for a good match and strong win for Owen, but two reasons why I'll go with booking logic over a good match - number one, Yokozuna did barely anything for 1995, as his team with Owen didn't produce a lot of good anyway, and number two, given the big problem in 1995 with a lack of credible heels for Diesel, Yoko is good for one PPV defense at least. Again, they went with Sid and Mabel, people. I'd maybe change Yoko's look up slightly in his big return, make him a bit darker after losing the Casket Match, and give an impressive win over Davey Boy here, a strong midcard face, to help put some steam back on him after he'd been phased down a bit after losing the title in 94.

Winner: Yokozuna

WWF Tag Team Titles
Smoking Gunns (c) Vs. Owen Hart/Bob Backlund

Owen Vs. Davey left me with a Backlund/Yoko team, which is kind of funny in an absurd way, but the matches would be awful, because both Yoko and Backlund needed help for a team to work. Owen and Backlund have the Bret connection from Survivor Series, and I see them being a potential good act together, with Bob as the crazy hyper-intelligent type, with Owen's cocky heel shtick beside it. Gunns lose the belts, and hopefully this team can elevate the belts a bit.

Winners: Owen & Backlund

1-2-3 Kid Vs. Hakushi

This replaces Owen Vs. Davey as the hot action match on the undercard, serves to give Hakushi his first win on a big stage, and sets him up for some good stuff throughout the Summer.

Winner: Hakushi

Heavenly Bodies/Tatanka/IRS Vs. Headshrinkers/Adam Bomb/Bob Holly

The traditional "lets get a bunch of guys on the card" match, just a fun and quick way to open the show, babyfaces get the win.

Winners: Headshrinkers/Car Bombs ¬_¬

Final Thoughts:

Overall, not only do I think this is significantly better than what we got, but it's very plausible that they could have gone this direction just as easily. One of the major problems coming out of the real show was that there were absolutely no heels worth a fuck afterwards, as the babyfaces smoked through them all in the key matches. Here we elevate Razor as a babyface, get some awesome promos with Jerry Lawler, give Bret a hot issue which he sorely needed since he spent his 1995 in the midcard, create a hot new heel in Lex Luger, we give Yoko some heat, we don't eviscerate Bigelow, Taker gets a notch on his belt and MUCH needed good match, the tag titles are set up nicely on an important team, Hakushi heads into the Spring with some steam, and the Diesel/Michaels story gets its blowoff.

And more importantly, no Harris Twins or King Kong Bundy.