The Bullet Club Fucking Sucks Ass

I can't come up with a more apropos and fitting title, creativity be damned. "Bullet Club Firing Blanks" did come to mind, but why sugarcoat my feelings?

The Aces and Eights of New Japan Pro Wrestling have dominated the landscape in 2014, much to the chagrin of anybody that's been watching the product closely for the last couple of years. Now, I like to write impartially, to analyse and explore both sides of the story. Not in this case, and I'll tell you why.

New Japan has been so good, for so long, it was almost hard to believe. The superb roster, the most consistently great Pay-Per-Views in years, excellent matches, exciting new stars and established acts reinventing themselves. As the clock turned to midnight on December 31st, 2013, it appeared as though things were heading in a direction reflective of it's current hot streak. Sure, the Tetsuya Naito experiment didn't pan out. The push was an honest attempt, but it was the wrong place and time for Naito, and people seemed to resist the idea of him being anything more than he currently was after his comeback.

Regardless, New Japan had so much going for it that it didn't matter. Kazuchika Okada as champion, engaging in a staredown with Katsuyori Shibata after defeating Hirooki Goto, teasing a match that had incredible potential. Shinsuke Nakamura and Hiroshi Tanahashi waging war for the prestigious Intercontinental title. The rise of Tomohiro Ishii, and his excellent series of matches with Naito. Kota Ibushi signing a contract and tearing the house down every time he had a chance. Things were great. Moving forward, they could have gotten even better.

Instead, they signed AJ Styles, and went all in on The Bullet Club.

I love AJ, incredible wrestler, but there is nothing worse in wrestling today than watching this group of nerds make nWo hand signs, crotch-chopping and screaming "suck it", like a bunch of backyarders acting like their heroes in 1999. Styles immediately getting the IWGP Championship seemed like a decision so disconnected from the audience, who had no desire to see Okada lose to this type of act (and not in a money drawing way). The large New Japan audience didn't know AJ well enough, and of all the things Okada was lined up for, this was such an anticlimax for his great reign. That would be bad enough.

But oh no. Shinsuke Nakamura, who has made the Intercontinental Title as important as the IWGP World Title in the last two years, loses the belt to Bad Luck Fale (pronounced Far-Lay, enough if "Fail" is a more accurate description), a man who has no business playing a role of importance in a company this good. Quite why this guy is in the spot, other than the fact he's big, is a mystery.

The insanity continues, as Yujiro Takahashi, a guy who was in the exact spot he deserved to be in, a midcard sleaze who didn't chew up too much of the scenery, was turned heel, put in the Club, and beats Tomohiro Ishii for the Never Title. Ishii was the breakout guy of 2013, and this was the year for that to pay dividends, putting him in important matches people were dying to see. Instead, he's cast aside. Yujiro, bless him, doesn't have close to the upside of Ishii.

Add Karl Anderson and Doc Gallows as tag champs (the only decision I don't have a problem with), and clearly the theme, by design, is Bullet Club domination of New Japan. Awesome. But the fact is that nobody cares. Gauging opinions from Japan, nobody hates them in a way to pay to see them lose. Like me, they just want it over with so we can get back to what we wanted, the product we loved.

Shibata, Ishii, Ibushi, Nakamura, Goto, Naito, Okada, Tanahashi. They make New Japan great. I will say, as my only defence of the Bullet Club, that they aren't the sole reason for NJPW's booking woes. It feels like Minoru Suzuki and Toru Yano have been feuding for about six years now, and the "divisions" that have been strong in previous years (Tags and Jr) are lacking in depth, which means the undercard feels the same, give or take, as it has for a while now. And maybe that is the reason why they took the gamble with the Bullet Club - to give the company a different vibe until the G-1 Climax, where the cards will really start to shift in a positive manner.

But like Naito, the Bullet Club is an experiment that didn't work. The entire foundation of the group was Prince Devitt, and once he was gone, the pure heel backbone was ripped out. Even when Devitt was around, the idea of Devitt getting the title and the company being built around them was utterly absurd. Of the members now - Styles, Gallows, Anderson, Tonga, Yujiro, Young Bucks, nobody has the charisma or appeal to justify basing a company around them in Japan. Styles was in the unfortunate position of being the stand-in for somebody else's faction, a no-win situation to begin with, that has gotten worse because they decided to go balls-out. All it did was shine a bigger light on the failure.

Shinsuke Nakamura should win the G-1 Climax at the Seibu Dome. Kazuchika Okada needs to beat AJ Styles for the IWGP World Title before the end of the year. That's your main event for Wrestle Kingdom on January 4th, 2015, and I believe this will occur.

But sooner rather than later, for the sake of New Japan Pro Wrestling, the company I've loved so dearly - somebody please put a Bullet in the Club.